Thank you for taking your time to read the mandatory vacation manual.  As you are aware you will be time traveling backwards in time a d here at TTV we wish you a wonderful (insert reason for vacation here).  Now before you can travel there are some guidelines our History Expert Mr. Larry Milestone has created for your requested era and activities.

Hello,

I was alerted that you showed interest in reaching pre 1700’s dates.   While it is possible it tends to tax the machine and an additional $5,000 will be added to your expenses.  This is a modest fee used to cover extra power consumption and pizza for our IT consultants. 

            I was also alerted that you wished to meet Christopher Columbus.  I think this is a horrible idea.  For starts I am fairly sure that at least one of the crew on that ship had small pox or something was infected.  Granted…not really their fault…but I advise not trying your luck.

            Second Columbus is kinda a dick.  Trust me I met him.  Don’t make any bets with him as he probably will double cross you and keep the money.  Also the whole native people thing doesn’t shine in his favor.  I spoke to a few of them and they didn’t have very nice things to say.

            There are also several things we can’t really discuss if we plan on keeping things PG for this e-mail, but my sources are nothing if not reliable.  In finishing I advise you to not go.  Don’t tell anyone I said that however because the IT guys really want that pizza.

                Thank you for taking your time to read the mandatory vacation manual.  As you are aware you will be time traveling backwards in time a d here at TTV we wish you a wonderful (insert reason for vacation here).  Now before you can travel there are some guidelines our History Expert Mr. Larry Milestone has created for your requested era and activities. 

                Hello,

    I have been assigned as your guide for your trip.  You expressed interest in visiting author Edgar Allen Poe.  As such I have selected the year 1845, right after the publishing of The Raven which was a big success so he should be in a good mood for once.  In fact our agents have arranged a party with Poe and a reading of his poem.

                Now several guidelines you must follow and a contact to sign.  If you don’t follow them, trust us, we will know.  Honestly who messes with people that time travel for a living?

1.       There will be other guests, some of which might be others on vacation from another time.  Don’t talk politics.

2.       Must take five hour seminar regarding accent usage and time customs.

3.       No Morphine is to be brought with you.  Seriously.  It wasn’t funny the first time.

4.       No paradoxes.

With that I hope you enjoy your trip and our services here at the TTV.  If you need further inquiries please feel free to email me back.  

Sincerely,

Larry Milestone